Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Anger in short means DANGER

  Why am i so bad luck? Why is everything on Earth going against me? 
WHY is that I can't grab hold of what I intended to have?
Why is that everything is not going according to my wish?
Why is my confidence being hit so hard?
Why do i feel like crying NOW but can't cry out loud?
Why is that even my emotions are playing a fool with me?
Why are my efforts ended up to be futile and useless?
Why is all the time I've spent with you in the end seems to be a waste of time?
Why does every expectation hurt me so bad?
Why do i have umpteen numbers of questions to be cleared out?
Why can't this thing end anytime soon?
And why so many why-s?
What the deuce.

I want my life the way I wanted it to be. If I could have a twist in time, I would definitely make the RIGHT choice. Good things appear are normally deceptive. They's like a devil wrapped in candy jacket. I should've knew it. Is it too late for me to know it now? I'm uncertain.
But i know that i must chin up, brave myself into the sea of sharks, take it in stride. Every action has an equal reaction. Hence i will put on a smile. Albeit a fake one, let alone a sincere one, my poker face will always be on display.
I should not have altered my decision in the very first place. The road not taken is sure better than the road less travelled. This i can assure.
There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a road map. The choices we make can define the rest of our days.

Regret? Oh yes.. Sure i regretted. And i'm sick of being in a cranky, stress and tension mode whenever I have a slight thought about the subject matter. I can have all my feelings listed out in prose form. One thing is, none of them are nice.
Put it this way, I'm not feeling good. And i bite. Yes. I bite thought it doesn't help much to mitigate the severe  strikes i've sustained deep down inside. Yet i bite.

Never mind. Things are ending. Not too soon, but it eventually will.
Emotions will NEVER take over me. Pessimistic will NEVER rule me. Life is so much bigger than that.
The day is going to come where i can tackle and punch it in the face and pompously marched away nose upwards with a tinge of proud and victory written on my arse on the outside of my skin tight shorts that says
Dang! you lose! Serves you right :))


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

  What makes me so...


So the mock exam started. Bubbly mode switched off. Not that mental me no more. Seriously I'm not that type of girl I used to be during high school anymore. That kinda hardworking and zeal attitude to score excellent result in class, now i might wanna reconsider the chances for me to pass my exam! Like i said, exams pass by as they have to, but i have a hard time making them pass. Luckily mommy doesn't really expect me to do wonders in my exam. She used to teach me so well in every aspect up to the point that i think she wants me to be the Jack-of-all-trade! That was when i was young. Hell i would be dead and already decomposed if i'm that versatile. Sort of like a mission impossible for me. For the pressure and stress I've to deal with, this is no easy feat. Study is always that tiring and weary. For the last 14 years been learning and studying. I've came to a conclusion where the higher level you go, the tougher you will have to go through life. Namely, studies.

My accounting lecturer aka the great PMS J. used to have his philosophy of life, which mostly, well maybe entirely, oppose to what we think of everything possible. Still, i remember one funny thing about him. He has a special lingo. Instead of saying "bla bla blah", he says "wuua wuahh". In short, he's a great lecturer, unlike any other lecturers. He's a dictator, and there are only two ways in order to get rid of a dictator,
this is exactly what he told us in our very first class! Funny folk.
Nevertheless, he's wise. We used to call him a walking encyclopedia :)) Trust me, once you've met him, you'll never forget him in your entire life! 

Whilst typing, i felt so sad for not attending babe Eyvonne's big 18th birthday bash last night. I even created an event on Facebook regarding her birthday but the creator, which was apparently me, could not attend due to the exams she'll be having the next day! *sigh*
No party, no hang outs, let alone visiting my grandparents. Really wish that the exam would be easy to me. I don't wanna screw them up. So they better be nice to me on the grounds that i've sacrificed a tad too many outings and leisure times just to study. Even if I don't really study, i still choose to stay home so that i wouldn't feel bad about me going out and not studying. At least I feel better staying at home doing nothing than going out and have the worst feeling that i might flunk my exam. the horror..

Baby Ann

I love her flora hairband so muchhh!

Time to go now! I have books to study!
Ya, I procrastinated, why doesn't? At least that's the one thing I'm sure i will do consistently and on time! Heh. I'm a truly gifted "pro" artist. But now, i have to learn to be productivvvve! It's the solution. Will not put it off. Glad you guys learned something :))