Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sorry dear heart.


When I'm writing this, I had a very strong feeling of sentiment. I don't know, unknown reasons are making me feel this way. But perhaps one of the reasons is because I turned blogging-inept for this 6 months and now I'm finally coming back to home and yes I would say this is my home it's pretty much a self-owned world to me where I could declare myself as Princess as if I'm really am and not getting response like "Oh she's so vain who she think she is" and negative self-esteem destruction remarks whatsoever.

Time flies and throughout this 6 months' period I've definitely grew up. My life's being a roller coaster ride. It has its ups and downs and crazy curves but nevertheless fun. I shall begin with the biggest down-part. Straight-forwardly to say, I broke up. And this is not merely hooking up and breaking up. My experience of breaking up isn't nothing without it's pain, tears, dismay and sorrow. Through this relationship only had I knew how blind-folded am I and how possibly ever stupid and dumb I could ever be. But after all these kickings and throwings and tears-shedding and head-bawlings,  I started to get tired and ponder deeply, and realised that I've got no one to blame but myself. All these while I've been so reluctant to fall for anyone. When it comes to love I'll put my guards up because of a terrible past experience I've seen and being a victim myself really affects the way you see things. Maybe happy endings don't exist. I was upset why someone who said I will never ever hurt you, are the ones that hurts you the MOST? Heartbroken, I've made up my mind to move on because in life, you will never get to know everything and anything about someone. As I've once told a friend, everyone has 3 lifes. Public life, private life, and lastly, secret life. The latter is the one that's most harassing and often is the one that ruin things.
I felt like a fool. I played your games and stood up for my excuses but all they led me to was PAIN. I feel like I should never even bothered, I feel like you've played me.
Next time, don't love someone too much, it will eventually disappoint you. All left behind were the memories. Memories won't fade. I have plenty of sweet memories with him we created them together. Having a sharp memory is good, but sometimes the ability to forget is much better. Memories are the ones that could make me smile, and at the same time,  draw tears from me. I'm glad that I've walked away from you. You don't seem to top me or even by any chance want me back either. I don't know. It was like, you took me to the stars, but didn't bring me back. You just let me fall. But if I'm not good enough to deserve you, then you don't deserve to have the best of me. My needs are simple, all I want is someone who can prove that not all men are the same. I thought you were different. Clearly, you have to much to conceal. This is pathetic.
Pains made me stronger. Tears made me braver. Heartbreak made me wiser. So I'm thanking you, my past, for me having a better future and I've had more time for other things in life. I've finally got to appreciate the quality times with family and friends. And most of all, the penchant which I've ditched all because I wanna spend time with you. Clearly I'm directing this to blogging. Know what? I don't want my old and broken heart. You can have it. Cause I'm creating a new and stronger one you can never have.
Frankly to speak, my thoughts always drift to you and the times we shared, but then I remembered how you broke my heart and realised I'm so much better off :)
They say, usually the girl with all the smiles, are the one with the most heartbreaks. Yes I'm the one. But I will prove this saying wrong. One day I will :)
Love is just a fairy tale. I'm not Cinderella, and prince charming is just a scam.
Forever and ever? Promises? It's a lie..
What's LOVE?
Land of lies. Ocean of sorrows. Valley of death. End of life.
I'm out. Right now, all I can say is that I'm happier now than I've been in a really long time and it feels so damn good!


  1. *like* hey but i see nothing about me, your bro whom you picked up in your 6 months absence to the blogging world!

  2. Where iS meee?=( ken..

  3. Zpengg BIG BROTHER!!! Wait patience you and Ken will be up on my posts definitely! For SURE!!

  4. I can feel the way you being hurt. Because I'd the fool and yet pain for the non-last-longer relation too. Don't worry princess,time can heal your broken heart.Stop crying for the heartless man,stand up and get start from now on.

  5. Thanks a lot Nat :) Let's cheer for a better us.